::facepalm:: I'm rather afraid now begins the season where the best anyone will get from me is more or less brainless rambling about fanish topics and assorted groaning and whining about work and Christmas.

Watched two episodes of S4 Angel, which apparently is a kind of tv comfort food, albeit in a slightly masochistic rip out my heart, trample on it and goddamn I hate JW for fucking every character over in the worst way possible before finally killing them way. Watching these people struggle, knowing that there won't be a happy or even normal life end for any of them, with the possible exception of Connor, is downright cruel.

Meme, from

pinkyogamuffin

List 10 things that bring you joy ~~and then tag 10 friends.~~

01. Creating - bad & rather pretentious choice of words, but I can't think of any better. Used to be ceramics; more recently, taking photos (I'm aware they're not particularly artistic, but the pleasure is in the process of seeing, choosing a motif, creating your own personal view of things). Can be something more prosaic like re-decorating the apartment or re-arranging books at work.
02. Nature, even little bits like walking through the park or looking up and seeing the moon and stars in the sky.
03. Figuring things out, analysing, bringing some kind of order in my thought process.
04. Music.
05. The kind of morning run when everything just fits, beautiful sunrise, your body is actually kind of enthusiastic for once...
06. Skiing.
07. Favourite tv shows on dvd.
08. Praise, especially from people I care for. Being appreciated. It's pathetic, but I can't help it.
09. Being able to give someone a present they really like.
10. Good conversations, the kind where some connection is established, where you actually talk with each other instead of at one another.

Current Mood: uninspired
Current Music: mercan dede, ab-i hayat

Sunny and warm, beautiful day, slightly tainted by the faint melancholy of Sundays. Did this breakfast & movie thing with some people from work, we saw Fatih Akin's Crossing the Bridge, which is a truly amazing, wonderful film about the music of Istanbul and the power and impact of music, regardless of genre - everything from rap to the music of the Roma, Kurdish music, traditional Turkish music... Very powerful; beautiful shots, too.

I think I'll have to check out Gegen die Wand now. And buy the soundtrack, although I really should re-reconsider buying not really necessary stuff in view of the possible computer situation... ::le sigh::

)o(

Trying to unclutter notepad. Still. Again. Never ending ~~story~~ rambling. The 10? 12? 20? (can't quite remember) favourite emotional tv moments meme, picked up a long time ago somewhere in the wastes of lj-land.

Jossverse-centric, because that's what I've been watching recently, and while I would love to give a comprehensive and conclusive review of

solitary_summer's most favourite tv moments evar, re-watching five season of B5 (or any other tv show I was ever fond of) just isn't happening at the moment. And really, I don't want to consider what it says about my psychic make-up that I even consider this an issue ~~and would this be a good place to confess that I shuffled my interests around quite a bit for the 10 interests meme?~~

Sorted chronologically and by fandom, not squee factor.

( 17 (16) favourite emotional tv moments )

Thank god that's over. I had to role play, which wasn't even so bad in the end, but I was angry, shaky and close to tears the whole morning, although there really was no good reason for that. The closest I come to explaining this overreaction is that my usual, probably deeply conditioned, reaction to someone expecting me to do something is to do it as best as I can. But in this case, while I am aware that I could do more, could do it better, it's something that I regard as at least ethically questionable (I believe people should choose books because they want them, not because of whatever subtle or not-so-subtle methods I use to sell them) and I already walk a fine line trying to balance motivation, enjoyment, anything I might get out of the job, against the frustration, the struggle with annoying Boss Person(s) and all kinds of other unpleasantness. On a psychological level I don't think I can do much more without driving myself into a state where this balance would tip pretty fast. And I sure as hell don't want to do more than I already do.

Internal conflict, system failure.

Pathetic.

Treated myself with chocolate.

( book meme, gacked from soavezefiretto )

The interest meme, gacked from... er, 95% of the lj population, by now?

LJ Interests meme results

anton kolig:
Austrian expressionist painter, got interested in him when I saw an exhibition of his drawings of male nudes in the Albertina this spring. I haven't seen many of his paintings yet, but so far I'm intrigued. Not to mention that expressionism is shockingly modern as far as my taste in art is concerned. I might join the 21st century yet...
btvs:
Buffy. Not my most favourite tv show ever, but I'm fond of it.
doktor faustus:
Thomas Mann's novel of that name. It's really impossible to say something suitable or even begin to describe my fascination in the limited space of this meme, but I love it because it's perhaps his most personal book.
futurama:
Like it. Quirky, fun, love the characters. Also, Leelah is kinda hot. What? I have a thing for women in combat boots, even if they're one-eyed cartoon character.
islamic art:
Vague interest, but I like the aesthetics, especially of islamic architecture. I'm not really religious, but somehow I find the architecture of a mosque more spiritually pleasing than the rigidity of a catholic church.
mikhail vrubel:
Discovered at work, so to speak. Russian symbolist painter, whom so far sadly I know mostly through books, but I finally saw a few paintings in the Russian museum this summer...
patrick o'brian:
Admittedly my interest has kind of flagged and I still need to finish the last two and a half books, but seventeen volumes is a long time for me to remain interested in any one author and universe. Developed a small literary crush on Jack during the first few volumes and learned a lot about ships and sailing.
slash fiction:
Right. I don't think I need to explain the 'what', and I don't particularly feel like going into the deep psychological 'why's and 'wherefore's, but I've been fascinated by gay-themed books years before I ever came across the term slash. Read probably every Marion Zimmer Bradley novel ever written and a lot of the ~~fanfic~~ Darkover anthologies as a teenager and thought that maybe I was kind of weird, so finding out, more than a decade later, that if I'm weird, at least I'm not alone in that was rather nice. I also blame The Celuloid Closet, because seriously, if Ben Hur has canonic subtext, can anyone blame me for squeeing over Lex and Clark?
theatre:
I don't go as often as I'd like, but I'm fascinated by theatre, because while I don't particularly like reading plays, mainly because I don't have enough imagination to flesh out the characters, give them voices, &c., I'm utterly fascinated by how a play comes to life between the actors and director and audience. I also like the more directly human quality theatre has in comparison to a movie.
watching myself change:
Maybe because I don't do it that much. For the longest time I used to think of myself in terms of static, and to discover that change can and does happen still is fascinating to me.

Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your interest list.

Chances are people you don't even know are being introduced to your journal every day, either randomly or through someone else. In addition to recent entries, people can get to know you better by what you posted in the past. With that in mind post a link to your entries on this day three months ago, six months ago, nine months ago, a year ago, and two years ago. If there was no entry on that day, link the closest date.

Now I seriously doubt there's a crowd of devoted yet shy lurkers out there, but who am I to pass by a way of procrastination....

June 25th, 2005: Scent of lime trees, simple things, happiness. Guilty pleasure, russian faux-lesbian pop...

March 23rd, 2005: Dissatisfaction, spring-related restlessness, depression, creativity or lack thereof, self-analysation.

December 25th, 2004: Definition of a successful Christmas, family.

September 25th, 2004: Stephen Fry, quoting Bertrand Russell on war.

September 25th, 2003: Er, 'someone kill me now. please.' Depression, apparently.

Current Mood: lazy

Yesterday, another morning run, although my body and muscles always protest a little, doing it two days in a row, but it's my own fault, having been so lazy this week, letting fangirldom take over. ~~Strafe muss sein, and all that.~~

Bought new Doc Martens, black, which I've always been trying to avoid so far, but none of the other colours really caught my fancy.

Two black shirts from H&M identical to the two I bought last time, but what else is there to buy at the moment? Is it just me, or is this spring/summer fashion particularly eye-gaugingly atrocious? Really, I have neither the body-type nor the mind-set for shirts with ruffles and that kind of thing.

And don't even get me started on shoes. Hence, see above.

Got depressed trying on jeans, because I really need to lose a few kilos.

Got further dpressed, walking down the Mariahilferstrasse, because what did I miss and when did everyone become so very pretty? So many beautiful people, making me feel awkward and fat and old, damn it.

Meme, from

soavezefiretto:

Not because you have to, but because you WANT to! Things you enjoy, even when no ones around you want to go out and play. What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level? Make a list, post it to your journal... and then tag 5 friends and ask them to post it to theirs.

* Weird as this may sound, analysing things, thinking things through. Finding patterns, order, reasons, meaning, discovering connections... Not in any big, world-changing, revelation-type way necessarily, just personal stuff, books, art, even if it's only analysing tv shows, which is all I seem to be doing lately anyway. Writing thoughts down, articulating thoguhts, feelings. I guess it's a means of acchieving a little control over my life and surroundings.

* Physical activity; any kind really. Running, walking, unpacking books at work...

* Solitude. Very important.

* Music, most of the time, but that's a little tricky, depending on the mood and the music, and whether I can make them fit. Sometimes silence is just as necessary as solitude.

* Nature. Just little things, the awareness of the trees outside my window, the scent of some blossoms when I bike home, rain on my skin... it grounds me, in a way.

( Angel meme, picked up somewhere in livejournal land, and no, I'm not done fangirling yet. )

Current Mood: relaxed

( book-meme, because soavezefiretto said so )

The things one does between 6 and 7 am... (from here)

... actually some of this is quite accurate. Some traits are less pronounced, but on the whole... not bad. I'm rather surprised.

[ETA 18.3.2008 www.iberka.de/lib/pic/ew/tarot/karten/crowley/150/010.gif link defunct]

( X - Glück: Persönlichkeits-Karte )

[ETA 18.3.2008 www.iberka.de/lib/pic/ew/tarot/karten/crowley/150/001.gif link defunct]

( I - Der Magier: Wesenskarte )

Current Mood: blah

Today was better. Regained some of my equilibrium, and it really helps if I don't have to worry about stepping on M.'s toes in addition to everything else.

meme gacked from

czaria

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
Veronika, Vroni, Vero

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
vero (or vvero), Rosa_McGee; I mostly go by solitary summer now.

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
That somehow deep down inside there's still a core of... warmth, openness, something positive.
Most of the time I'm a practical, unfussy person.
good taste

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
my passivity, my inability to interact with people, my incapacitating perfectionism

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
*groan* This meme originated in the US, right? I don't think anyone else is quite as obsessed with their their 'heritage'; in fact when a German person starts talking about it, it rarely bodes well.
Don't know, or care; some relations from my father's side of the family live in Hungary as far as I'm aware of, not that I've ever met them.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
physical pain, global catastrophe scenarios, new situations

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
coffee, internet, sleep

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
glasses, a somewhat holey Icelandic sweater, a striped red shirt my sister once bought on a holiday in Greece

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR ARTISTS AT THE MOMENT:
a perfect circle, tool, K.A.Hartmann

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
K.A.Hartmann's Trauerkonzert, apc's Imagine cover, apc's Pet

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
I don't really plan like this... Buchhändlerprüfung maybe, to have something in my resume. I've been vaguely considering some kind of sports type of thing, Tai Chi, something like that, but then again, probably not. Write a little?

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
connection, trust, a certain measure of emotional security

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
Can't think of any, and at almost 1:30 I'm no longer trying.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
a natural kind of beauty; personal style; beautiful hair

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
I've extreme difficulties outright saying 'no' to anyone.
Bungee jumping (parachuting, rock climbing) - anything that means no firm ground beneath my feet.
With very, very few exceptions, lie successfully or fake enthusiasm and pretend feelings I don't have. I just can't bring myself to.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
reading, art in all shapes and sizes, livejournaling (god help me)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
Nothing, actually. I'm relaxed, a little tired, I simply don't have the energy for wanting to do anything right now, much less wanting to do it badly. Listening to the Hair soundtrack, vaguely want to watch the movie, but not right now.
Ah yes. Want to be done filling out this meme.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
At 32 going on 33 with a degree in archaeology? There are no careers to consider; I can only hope it doesn't get worse than book-shop employee.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
Baltic Sea, Stockholm; and I still would like to do that trip down the Turkish western coast some day even without the diss.

THREE KID'S NAMES
Not that I'm planning to have kids, but on a purely hypothetical level and off the top of my head: Noa, Esther, Alexander

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
Be a more confident, stronger, more likable person.
Have a loving relationship.
Re-connect with my artistic side.

Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Velvet Goldmine OST

( meme gacked from *soavezefiretto, aka the meme from hell I filled out & coded three times because the browser 1. froze & 2. crashed... )

[Sorted the travel guides, got side-tracked browsing through the Mauritius one, probably with an inane fangirlish smile on my face, judging from co-worker's comment about where my thoughts were. |facepalm|]

Because I'm bored... (& curious):

If you had to pick three words to describe me, what would they be?

(Reply anonymously, if you feel like it... I'd rather have honest answers, even if they aren't complimentary.)

Current Mood: curious

the things you find on livejournal....

Current Mood: amused

Morpheus

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Hm. The meme I bastardised a couple of days ago.... It's actually supposed to one's ten most important/formative/influential books.

1. R.Kipling, The Jungle Books, or rather, Das Dschungelbuch: I don't even know why I would single out this one from my children's books as particularly influential, and in any case after twenty years it's nearly impossible to tell which, if any book had a influence, but somehow I have fond memories of the beautifully illustrated edition I had. And unlike the Greek mythology my father used to read to us, this was always my book. There is some connection, I can't quite define... early escapism, perhaps?

2. E.M.Forster, Maurice: It's either this or A Room with a View, but at a toss, Maurice. I've since come to prefer both A Passage to India and The Longest Journey, but this was the first book by Forster I read, in German translation after I'd seen the movie, later in English. I still like it - I chose Forster for his emphasis on the importance of personal honesty, something that pervades all his writing, but in a sense this novel with its defiant insistence on a happy ending, even if as a result it had to remain unpublished, is proof that he was very serious about what he believed in. Also my first real exposure to gay literature.

3. Patricia McKillip, The Riddle Master Trilogy: I guess there ought to be at least one SF/fantasy book on the list, seeing as at one point of my life this genre made up a great part of my reading. As far as I remember, the first fantasy book I ever read - I recall checking out the German translation from the library - and one I still like, unlike e.g. Tolkien, who I've grown rather less fond of, or, god help me, Mercedes Lackey, who I cringe at the thought of ever having read at all.

4. William Blake, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell, for the reason already given.

5. Mary Renault's Alexander trilogy, ditto.

6. Marguerite Yourcenar, Memoires d'Hadrien [Memoirs of Hadrian]: If I have to chose between her books it's this one. Aside from the reason given before, it has a special place in my mind, and not only because of the person who gave it to me. Some books/characters you connect with easily, others... there is a connection, but not necessarily of easy familiarity or ready understanding, and those books open a door, widen your horizon, push you to another mental level, however you want to phrase it. This was one of them.

7. Derek Jarman, Modern Nature: Shook up my notions about gender, sexuality etc... I also fell in love with his garden. I remember reading it one summer on the train to the excavations in Enns, and one of the students from our group, who'd earlier expressed her disgust at 'that scene' in The Crying Game picked it up. I don't really know what she thought, except that it must have finally convinced her that I was lesbian.

8. Norbert Elias, Über den Prozess der Zivilisation [The Civilizing Process], cf. the earlier post.

9. Clive Barker, Sacrament. Hard decision. I'll stick with Sacrament, not only because it was the first of his novels I read, but because it's perhaps more personal, less diverse than most of his other books, the story more condensed and the message clearer in a sense. The moment when Rosa and Jacob realise that they're part of one being and all the pain came from having forgotten this... very beautiful, a wonderful reworking of the platonic myth.

10. Thoman Mann, Buddenbrooks: Again, an almost impossible decision. I really believe the most interesting thing will be the balance/interaction/comparison between the novels and diaries, but if I had to decide on one single book.... *sigh* Maybe, but only maybe. Der Zauberberg was the first one I read, and it still very much fascinates me; Doktor Faustus is the more psychologically and artistically intriguing, but Buddenbrooks almost shocked me with its sheer perfection, the brilliance of the language, the mixture of humour and tragedy... and it firmly hooked me.

Current Music: björk, army of me

*sigh*

Maybe I shouldn't have drunk that last coffee...

There seems to be a books that changed your life meme floating around...

( In vaguely chronological order; though for me it's more often authors, rather than single books... )

Current Mood: awake
Current Music: suede, heroine

My journal is called _____ because _____.
My subtitle is _____ because _____.
My friends page is called _____ because _____.
My username is ____ because _____.

My journal is called :: and all the might have : could have beens :: quoting a line from nin's the wretched (just a reflection / just a glimpse / just a little reminder / of all the what abouts / and all the might have / could have beens). It's fitting... Though it doesn't necessarily have to be read strictly in the sense of bemoaning opportunities passed by. It's also about those moments of... clarity, of realisation, that I sometimes have, glimpses of what I could I be, if only I found the way. Sad, but also positive in a way, something to be reminded of. And it's about choices and what you make of them - after all... the could have beens are part of every life, it's how you deal with them and how you strike a balance in your mind.

[On a rather random, but maybe not entirely disconnected note, I've aways (mis?)heard the following line but not another reason to continue as but not another reason not to continue... I rather prefer this version.]

My subtitle is... there's no subtitle at the moment. I used to have watch the weather change..., quoting tool's Disposition, because it characterises my inherent passivity; often I see myself standing on the side lines, an observer rather than an active participant. But then again, a nin quote closely followed by a tool quote... it's a little de trop, really.

My friends page is called... (as of yesterday) Bilder am Wege (translates as something like pictures by the wayside), snagged from Thomas Mann's diaries, though used in a somewhat different context.

My username is... solitary summer, after Elizabeth von Arnim's novel The Solitary Summer. I like the ambivalence. 'Solitary' does characterise me pretty well, but it really can be read any way from desperate to melancholy to contented and positive, like the novel itself is in fact light and often amusing. And it carries the connotations of nature, flowers, gardens... and Elizabeth von Arnim's love for them. (Not that I ever thought of all that when I chose the name, but it fell into place nicely.)

Current Mood: slightly over-caffeinated
Current Music: nin, la mer/the great below

meme, picked up on friendsfriends....

Imagine you are meeting a new person - blind date, new friend, who knows - and you wanted them to have some idea of what kind of person you are, and who you are. But you can't actually tell them in so many words. Instead, you have to give them a box, with a dozen things in it for them to look at/read/listen to/taste/whatever.
What would you put in the box? And a copy of your journal or a link to your LJ would be the same thing as just telling them directly, so that's not allowed.

In no particular order... (it's a box, which effectively cancels out the concept of order anyway...)

* one of my sculptures (most likely this one, or maybe this)
* cd (1): NIN, The Fragile
* book (1) Thomas Mann, Der Zauberberg
* book (2) E.M.Forster, A Passage to India
* book (3) C. Barker, Sacrament
* a photo from one of my hiking tours
* my silver sea shell pendant on a leather thong
* B5 season 3 DVD box set
* the bibliography and notes for my never-meant-to-be diss
* cd (2) Tool, Lateralus
* a mango
* my small potted olive tree (a bit lopsided, but at least I haven't managed to kill it yet.)

( another one... )

Despite expectations to the contrary and about a million Vanillekipferln today was in fact rather tolerable. Ought to remember next year that it's much less stressful doing the baking on two weekends rather than two subsequent days. We actually finished around 6 pm which was something of a novelty and much of an improvement.

Inspired by

soavezefiretto...

( the favourite 'ships meme, version: lazy )

[[So they have have caught Saddam Hussein, or claim to (and isn't it just a little too convenient for comfort at this point...). Maybe I'm getting really jaded about politics, but what's the hype? Good for the Iraqis I suppose, even better for Bush & Co, but am I really supposed to care on a personal level? ]]

Current Music: gaudì (musical)

The local dialect meme, version Austro - English.

Born & bred in Vienna, living here for 31 years and counting. British English at school, three years plus of over-exposure to American English on the internet, resulting in what I tend to think must be quite an awful mixture of British spelling, Americanisms and German accent.

What do you call...

1. A body of water, smaller than a river, contained within relatively narrow banks? Bach // For an English term I'd have to check the dictionary, I'm not really good with the scenery descriptive words. stream?

2. The thing you push around the grocery store? 'Einkaufswagerl', 'Wagerl', depending on the context. // 'Shopping cart' comes to mind most readily.

3. A metal container to carry a meal in? Well, I own, but very rarely use this metal box thing for hiking tours - 'Proviantdose'. 'Dose'. Doesn't quite equal 'lunchbox', though, as far as I'm aware of.

4. The thing that you cook bacon and eggs in? Pfanne // pan

5. The piece of furniture that seats three people? 'Couch', 'Sofa'. Would use either term in English, too.

6. The device on the outside of the house that carries rain off the roof? Dachrinne // ... where's the dictionary, again?

7. The covered area outside a house where people sit in the evening? 'Terrasse' would be the closest approximation, but it isn't necessarily covered. // 'porch', presumably.

8. Carbonated, sweetened, non-alcoholic beverages? Nothing really - I would probably specify the drink. (On reconsideration, 'soft drink', not that it's an expression I often use) // soda

9. A flat, round breakfast food served with syrup? Doesn't really exist as such here. There's 'Palatschinken', but they're neither a breakfast food not served with syrup and really something quite different, except for the flat & round factor - more like the French 'crêpes' than the American pancakes. There are 'Pfannkuchen' in Germany, which I think have a closer resemblance .

10. A long sandwich designed to be a whole meal in itself? Never eat those. 'Baguette', maybe. // - - - no idea, really.

11. The piece of clothing worn by men at the beach? Badehose // swimming trunks

12. Shoes worn for sports? Sportschuhe // sneakers

13. Putting a room in order? zusammenräumen // tidy up

14. A flying insect that glows in the dark? Glühwürmchen // firefly

15. The little insect that curls up into a ball? Do I even want to know?

16. The children's playground equipment where one kid sits on one side and goes up while the other sits on the other side and goes down? Wippe. // - - -

17. How do you eat your pizza? At home - fingers; slices, centre to crust. [Mmmm... pizza. :: has a Homer Simpson moment ::]

18. What's it called when private citizens put up signs and sell their used stuff? 'Flohmarkt' would be the closest equivalent to a 'yard sale', but it's not really done like that here.

19. What's the evening meal? Nachtmahl, Abendessen // dinner

20. The thing under a house where the furnace and perhaps a rec room are? 'Keller', except in the old apartment houses these are mostly small compartments for storing stuff only, if you don't mind it getting mouldy that is, seeing as they're mostly somewhat damp & dark. 'Hobbykeller', if it's fit to work or live in. // basement

Current Mood: far too awake for 2 am
Current Music: songs in the key of X

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solitary_summer

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What The Hell Happened Last Night?
LJ Username
What did you drink?
You wake up in the morning next to:	soavezefiretto
...who is wearing:	a skunk fursuit
...and rolls over to you to say:	I love you!
...and then:	zaps you with an electric cattle prod

This cool quiz by joneccleston - Taken 102369 Times.

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:	solitary_summer
Your haiku:	normal life to some magical universe where she turns up shadow
Username:

Created by Grahame

life without a plot

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March 2013

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