life without a plot

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For the longest time I wanted to be cremated because the thought of decaying and being eaten by worms etc. wasn't terrible appealing, but I really don't care any longer. I'll be dead, so I (hopefully) won't know, and I certainly won't care. I still rather like the thought of being cremated and having the ashes scattered, so that I (although it's absurd saying 'I' when talking about one's ashes...) won't be confined in a single space, but as far as I know scattering the ashes is forbidden here, and in the end that's probably a pointless self-indulgance. Maybe death is the point where one should finally relinquish control...

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Not really. I didn't actually chose it for lj, but for some message-board. I think. Memories are a bit fuzzy after almost eight years... Essentially, I needed a username, wanted something that wasn't either NIN related or the username I'd mostly gone by before, started browsing through my bookshelves for inspiration, ended up with Elizabeth von Arnim's The Solitary Summer, and stuck with that ever since. It's vague enough not to signal any fanish allegiances, has a bit of a melancholy air without being depressing, but actually isn't even that, because Elizabeth enjoyed her summer, even if it wasn't quite as solitary as she wanted it to be, and for me solitude is about feeling safe and being myself, and essentially something positive. If I had to pick one word to describe myself, it'd probably be 'solitary', so it really fits.

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In a romantic partner especially a strict pro-life stance would be an absolute deal breaker, because that'd be putting your trust in someone who doesn't even respect your autonomy over your body. Sexism, because that would imply they don't see me as an equal human being. And I really cannot imagine living with or loving someone whose worldview included the idea that any group of people is inherently better than another. Extreme hatred is a big turn off, as is the incapability to look at a situation from another's perspective. And (neo)nazi anything will make me back away even from casual acquaintances.

Death penalty is an issue, because I don't trust people who would want that kind of power over someone else's life. By the same token I don't trust people who comment on articles about crimes with their punishment fantasies of torture and dismemberment.


I've read some of the other answers to this question, and I'm actually feeling more than a bit narrow-minded and intolerant now. I guess my opinions might change somewhat when this isn't about a hypothetical situation, but a real person whom I might find enough common ground with otherwise, but on a very basic level I don't trust a romantic partner who makes these kinds of judgements about other people to respect me.

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Deathly Hallows, because it was such a satisfying ending to the series. I really liked the conclusion/resolution to Snape's arc (and I'll always remember & giggle over 'Would you like me to do it now or would you like a few moments to compose an epitaph?'), and the King's Cross chapter is one of my favourite things ever.

I love it. Even the epilogue and the children. Sue me.

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Ocean. Provided it's a moderately nice bit of ocean... A beach and mild climate at least part of the year would be nice, but are not required. Maybe it's because my parents didn't hold with the classical lazy beach holiday and the first time I actually saw the sea was when I was twelve or thereabout, when we were on holiday in London and took a day trip to the coast, I can't even remember where. (Clacton-on-sea. I think.) The first time I swam in the sea was when I was eighteen, in Crete, on our Maturareise. There's just something very zen about the sea, in a way it's almost a symbol of infinity, enough to suggest the real thing, which we can't really grasp anyway. And this is also where I always drag out a quote from Th. Mann's Buddenbrooks: Was für Menschen es wohl sind, die der Monotonie des Meeres den Vorzug geben? Mir scheint, es sind solche, die zu lange und tief in die Verwicklungen der innerlichen Dinge hineingesehen haben, um nicht wenigstens von den äußeren vor Allem Eins verlangen zu müssen: Einfachheit...

I'd love a house near the sea. Which of course isn't going to happen in this lifetime, unless I'm winning the lottery, which is unlikely (well, more unlikely), since I almost never play.



In other news, shitty day was shitty.

I'm not the most conflict-happy person in the world, but once I'm riled, I don't mind an argument getting a bit loud and/or passionate. What I hate, hate, hate is this passive aggressive crap where you're being talked down to like a mentally defective five year old and the person who does it believes they somehow have the moral high-ground because you're losing your temper and they remain 'calm'. I came *so* close to grabbing my coat and bag and just walking out today, but of course I can't, mustn't, especially not now, and then I almost started kicking things.


Yesterday's entry made me come across like a grumpy misanthropic alcoholic-in-the-making who should expect visits from the ghosts of Christmas past, present, future & possibly alternate realities in a couple of weeks; does this one make me look like an unbalanced creep? I'm kind of starting to expect defriending...

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The Buffy/Angel-verse. I've just finished Buffy 2.03, where Spike and Drusilla come to Sunnydale, and, *sigh*, nostalgia. It's Angel I miss more, though, or would have wanted to continue if I had to pick one, because I wanted a better and at least slightly happier ending form them all. (On that note, how do the comics compare? Are they worth buying if you're not a big comic book fan?)

And it's not only defunct shows that I'm missing, since I've been sucked into those only-13-episodes-per-series British shows, *cough*Torchwood*cough*.

~

I suspect deep down I'm really just a sappy pop kind of girl, and should be starting to give away all those NIN CDs that I haven't listened to in a rather long time anyway...