(no subject)

[solitary_summer]

Sort-of addendum to the previous post -- It's nearly impossible to say this without straying into the territory of awful, over-used truisms, but it's vaguely scary how little you can know about yourself and (your) life at an age when you (I, that is) ought to know more, ought to have experienced more. It's disquieting, although not in the profoundly frightening 'I don't know who the fuck I am any longer' way... Not the disorientating feeling of having the floor pulled from beneath one's feet, but -- strike the inane metaphor. A kind of emptiness that is an opening, when you start to really look outside yourself, start to notice things more intensely, notice more things, connect, and god it is embarrassing when one's livejournal entries sound like a self-help book, and perhaps I'd better shut up now.


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I've been starting to re-read Der Zauberberg, and read a lot of M. Reich-Ranicki's essays about the TM and the Mann family.

Comments

[un-crayon-rouge.livejournal.com]

Lately, I'm getting very discouraged with my paper-journal and morning pages. All those years of introspection, analysis, dissection, turning thoughts and feeling over and over... and I still feel as lost and clueless as I was at fifteen, at twenty, at twentyfive... It seems like I haven't moved at all.

Why am I *still* spamming your journal??

[solitary-summer.livejournal.com]

*nod*

I feel kind of ready to move... *somewhere*, but I don't know how, or where, and am far from convinced I'll find the energy.