(no subject)

[solitary_summer]

One of these days when my brain seems to be wholly incapable of processing language...


After checking the weather-forecast decided to drive Wednesday... there's the urge to get away as soon as possible, but apparently it'll be cold & snowing the whole week, and I'm not too keen on driving in the dusk/dark in such conditions; nor on skiing in a snowstorm, so there's no particular need to hurry. It'll be less stressful, seeing that I still some shopping to do. And cleaning.

Can't decide whether to get the the camera now and take it along, get acquainted with it, take some holiday pictures, or if I want this to be a technology-free holiday, just reading, relaxing, a bit of skiing - no tv, no internet, and no camera manual...

.:.:.:.



On an entirely unrelated note, something I've been wanting to post for some days now: I've been browsing through asexuality & it made me wonder. Certainly the stories of the people posting there match my own experience pretty well in some respects... I'm not squicked by the very idea of sex, there are things/fantasies/&c. that are a definite turn-on, but on the whole sex just isn't very important to me.

I can admire beauty in a person, but it almost never translates into sexual attraction.

What I'm looking for (or would that be 'unrealistically dreaming about'?) is a connection on a mental, spiritual, whatever you want to call it, level; closeness that is not just physical closeness.

Perhaps I just can't imagine anyone being attracted to me, to this body.

I don't particularly want a label, but there's the moment of sheer relief that you're not alone, and perhaps it shouldn't have come as a surprise that a label can be weirdly comforting, supplying some sort of legitimacy, which is certainly more pleasant than thinking of myself as dysfunctional in yet another way.

Too comfortable? I still rather suspect that my disinterest in sex(ulity) is tied up with my other issues with closeness and my apparent need to keep people at a certain safe distance. Just like livejournal creates a safe distance. Like falling in love with people who in all probability aren't available. It takes a long time for me to let someone into my life, why would it be any different with my body?

Bisexual asexual?

Equally desperate and scared?

Sigh. Perhaps I'm just plain dysfunctional, after all.

It seems more likely.