(no subject)

[solitary_summer]

I don't know whether it's post-Christmas depression, pre-New Year depression, or just the tension finally unwinding, giving me time to think, that's leaving me feeling so... empty; angry and disgusted with myself. Hating the very thought of having to go to work tomorrow, except for the vague suspicion that in this situation it might even help keeping me balanced. Holed up alone at home I'll just sink deeper and deeper into self-pity.

I was feeling good, the last couple of days, positive, active almost. Why is it apparently impossible for the feeling to last?

I'd really, really like to get drunk, but seeing as there's nothing to get drunk with here... I'll just post about today's B5 episodes instead. Might take the mind of things for a bit.


B5: 1.5 The Parliament of Dreams

* Not having slashy thoughts, not having slashy thoughts... [repeat]
* Na'Toth I remember only as the broken woman G'Kar and Londo freed from the Centauri prison, though the fact that she was still alive by then might have given me a hint about her character... it's almost a shock to see her like that, sarcastic and formidable and alive. Awesome character, perfect foil for G'Kar.
* Susan channeling her Russian self, enjoying herself & getting drunk at Londo's ceremony/banquet.
* Londo: Have I ever told you that you are very cute for a Minbari?. And it's a testimony to PJ's acting skills that this scene is not, in fact, embarrassing or ridiculous.
* Lennier is so cute, too...
* Delenn is... even still knowing so little about her they don't let you forget that she's a dangerous, powerful woman; the way she moves from charming to deadly serious bordering on threatening and back again in the blink of an eye.
* The Minbari rebirth/marriage ceremony: it's almost purposely misleading about the Sinclair Delenn relationship, considering we're not supposed to be aware yet of his place in the course of history, in which case it can be seen as a symbolic thing. It's not really implied, but seeing how things turned out in the end, it's perhaps not totally insignificant that this is the second scene where Lennier and Delenn are seen together.
* G'Kar & Garibaldi snark... *g*
* That scene between Sinclair and Cathrine, where she turns up in his quarters, was very good, sad and raw and real... Who says? Who says I got over you when you got over me? I can't just turn it off like a switch! Yes, I stopped sleeping on just one side of the bed, but only because you weren't there! I'd think about you, and get angry with myself for being a fool! And then when I saw you yesterday, I...
* The closing scene about earth's religions was a bit... off. It was probably well meant, but it made the usual Star Trek mistake, allowing Earth a wide cultural diversity while creating other worlds that only have one (at best two) uniform dominant cultures.

B5: 1.6 Mind War

* Not much to say about this one... it's not bad, Bester and the PSI corps are already unpleasant enough and promising to be a menace, but knowing what they'll be and do in the future... it's still only a pale shadow, a beginning.
* Even Sinclair out-manouvering Bester in the end has a bitter taste, knowing that while Bester will not exactly win, it certainly won't be for lack of trying, and knowing what damage he's going to wreak in the process.
* Garibaldi and Bester exchanging insults is not even remotely amusing, but just chilling for exactly the same reason.
* The scene with Talia describing to Sinclair what it is like for a telepath to make love was rather good, especially as the car/cabin they were riding in moved from the garden section into this tunnel (?) at the end of the conversation, Talia's pale face in stark contrast against the black background; rather effective and just skirting being cheesy.
* When Jason moved on to a higher level or whatever... that was cheesy. Might have been better if his energy-self hadn't assumed human form.
* My problem maybe is that I can't quite warm to Talia.
* The glimpse of the 'First Ones' Cathrine gets at Sigma 957- it must be really intriguing when you see it first, but with the knowledge of the later seasons, the re-appearance of those ships during the last battle... it's just not the same, the mystery is gone.
* G'Kar's ant allegory is a good touch, though. Interesting, because, as it turned out in the end it was possible to communicate with then. And kind of sad, in hindsight, knowing that those mysteries he so cherishes would be irrevocably gone a few years later.

B5: 1.7 The War Prayer

* The same problem as with last episode, the situation with the homeguard and racism against aliens is bad enough, but knowing how much worse things will get, it's just not that compelling.
* The Centauri Romeo and Juliet sub-plot and Londo getting around in the end to see the importance of love is probably touching, but I just wasn't in a mood today where teenage romance appealed to me.
* Damn. I need to get the pilot ASAP. What assassination attempt at Kosh?
* Sinclair acting the human supremacist with Malcolm is slightly chilling, watching him just shift like that. Even more so, considering the next episode. He apparently doesn't have to go all that far back into his own past to bring up those feelings...
* Delenn is obviously irritated, but does she know Sinclair is only acting during the later half of the episode? She's angry enough in the beginning, accusing him of not doing enough to find the attackers.
* The alien woman with the fin on her head? Not the best costume choice ever.

B5: 1.8 And The Sky Full Of Stars

* Delenn's actions during the war... that's a loaded question indeed.
* Ah damn, I've forgotten so much. What did happen to Sinclair on the Minbari ship at that time? Did they find out about the DNA match then? But at least this way there's a little suspense left.
* "Looks like the pain is real for both of us!" "That's enough! You talk about the war! You talk about Mitchell and the rest, but you didn't know them! They were my friends! I watched them die, one by one! For years afterwards, whenever I saw a Minbari I had to fight the urge to strangle them with my bare hands! All I could see was Mitchell and the rest, dying, dying!" What I find rather intriguing about Sinclair is that he has this smiling, calm, congenial persona, especially when you take the later Sinclair of Minbari mythology into account, that somehow it's always a bit of a surprise to see the soldier, the hard, conflicted man appear underneath it.