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Jul. 9th, 2011 09:41 pmI don't know what's wrong with me lately; I seem to have lost all drive and conviction to write, to... anything, really.
Last Sunday night I had a bit of a crisis about having doomed myself to two weeks of breakfast at 7:30/lessons starting at 8:30 and 6-7 hrs. of Russian a day instead of being able to read, watch DVDs, go on hiking tours, and generally speaking enjoy my me-time, but then the week was over before I really had time to think about it; visited my sister & niece, went for a long walk from Rodaun to Kaltenleutgeben & back again (lots of wild raspberries and strawberries), took care of the horse, had a last Russian lesson with my bound-for-La Palma teacher, went out with G., managed to find a bunch of new shirts at H&M, threw out some old ones, realised that all my shirts now fall in the black/grey spectrum & wondered if I should worry about that. Cleaned up the flat a bit. Took a break form Excel and started practising Access before I forget everything I learned in May, began to read the ASoIaF books, and tomorrow afternoon I'll drive to Eisenstadt. So it's not as if I don't do anything, but it still feels as if I'm not there at all. I'm not nervous about the next two weeks, I'm not excited, I'm not even angry anymore; just don't care. At all. I'm not depressed as such, just completely indifferent.
And now I'm sitting here, wondering if I should even watch TW when I'm in that kind of mood. What if I can't even get enthusiastic about that? I don't want to feel blah about TW.
Last Sunday night I had a bit of a crisis about having doomed myself to two weeks of breakfast at 7:30/lessons starting at 8:30 and 6-7 hrs. of Russian a day instead of being able to read, watch DVDs, go on hiking tours, and generally speaking enjoy my me-time, but then the week was over before I really had time to think about it; visited my sister & niece, went for a long walk from Rodaun to Kaltenleutgeben & back again (lots of wild raspberries and strawberries), took care of the horse, had a last Russian lesson with my bound-for-La Palma teacher, went out with G., managed to find a bunch of new shirts at H&M, threw out some old ones, realised that all my shirts now fall in the black/grey spectrum & wondered if I should worry about that. Cleaned up the flat a bit. Took a break form Excel and started practising Access before I forget everything I learned in May, began to read the ASoIaF books, and tomorrow afternoon I'll drive to Eisenstadt. So it's not as if I don't do anything, but it still feels as if I'm not there at all. I'm not nervous about the next two weeks, I'm not excited, I'm not even angry anymore; just don't care. At all. I'm not depressed as such, just completely indifferent.
And now I'm sitting here, wondering if I should even watch TW when I'm in that kind of mood. What if I can't even get enthusiastic about that? I don't want to feel blah about TW.
