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Sep. 5th, 2010 06:23 pmIf you'd told me a week ago I'd say this, I'd have laughed loudly and sarcastically, but I actually miss the epic meta post. In my head, that is.
Writing that took over my life so completely for the last six months that even now, when I'm walking, or driving, my thoughts still automatically drift in that direction, but there's nothing there any longer; finished, posted, gone. It's like walking into a room and finding it unexpectedly empty, and all you see is white walls, and all you hear is the echo of your own steps.
Actually—and, I guess, pathetically—the last time I invested this much time and energy in writing something I got an academic degree out of it. Granted, the page count was higher there, but I don't remember struggling this much, probably because I knew what I was doing from the beginning and at least wasn't flailing and fumbling around in a completely unfamiliar field. And I don't think I've ever experienced writing and thinking as a process like that. The TW parts are not that far removed from what I've written before, although there are also new thoughts there, but the DW parts are entirely new, and there I had absolutely no idea where this would go when I started rewatching and making notes. Watching it all come together, piece by piece, moving paragraphs around, fighting for the right words, was absolutely fascinating for someone like me who isn't much of a writer. Things started to connect in ways that surprised even me, and especially once I decided on a single chronological sequence for both shows it suddenly became one single story, or two sides of the same story, and you could see how the themes criss-crossed back and forth, developing across both shows...
I miss idly shuffling around all those thoughts in my head, and being surprised by new ones.
And what really depresses me is that this is probably the best thing I'll ever write, fandom-wise. At least at the moment there isn't a show that even remotely inspires me to write something on this scale again, one that I love completely, but with just the right degree of frustration to keep me thinking about it...
(And the thing that makes me want to bang my head against the nearest wall is that my brain doesn't seem to be capable of generating this kind of enthusiasm for something that might actually be productive in the real-life sense. I keep thinking, if I'd at least spent all that time learning Russian, I'd probably be reading Dostojewski by now. Gah. Stupid, stupid brain.)
Writing that took over my life so completely for the last six months that even now, when I'm walking, or driving, my thoughts still automatically drift in that direction, but there's nothing there any longer; finished, posted, gone. It's like walking into a room and finding it unexpectedly empty, and all you see is white walls, and all you hear is the echo of your own steps.
Actually—and, I guess, pathetically—the last time I invested this much time and energy in writing something I got an academic degree out of it. Granted, the page count was higher there, but I don't remember struggling this much, probably because I knew what I was doing from the beginning and at least wasn't flailing and fumbling around in a completely unfamiliar field. And I don't think I've ever experienced writing and thinking as a process like that. The TW parts are not that far removed from what I've written before, although there are also new thoughts there, but the DW parts are entirely new, and there I had absolutely no idea where this would go when I started rewatching and making notes. Watching it all come together, piece by piece, moving paragraphs around, fighting for the right words, was absolutely fascinating for someone like me who isn't much of a writer. Things started to connect in ways that surprised even me, and especially once I decided on a single chronological sequence for both shows it suddenly became one single story, or two sides of the same story, and you could see how the themes criss-crossed back and forth, developing across both shows...
I miss idly shuffling around all those thoughts in my head, and being surprised by new ones.
And what really depresses me is that this is probably the best thing I'll ever write, fandom-wise. At least at the moment there isn't a show that even remotely inspires me to write something on this scale again, one that I love completely, but with just the right degree of frustration to keep me thinking about it...
(And the thing that makes me want to bang my head against the nearest wall is that my brain doesn't seem to be capable of generating this kind of enthusiasm for something that might actually be productive in the real-life sense. I keep thinking, if I'd at least spent all that time learning Russian, I'd probably be reading Dostojewski by now. Gah. Stupid, stupid brain.)
