(no subject)
Aug. 9th, 2009 11:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
solitary_summerSo tired. Best intentions for a morning run again, but while I did manage to crawl out of bed only about an hour after the alarm rang, this was one of these days when I knew it was useless to even try. I'm trying to suppress the guilt by telling myself that I'll do some belly-dancing practice later, which I have completely neglected since the end of the semester, but I really haven't been in the mood. Which I assume is more or less directly related to the fact I've been feeling so completely uncomfortable with myself, my body, the whole being a woman thing recently. I can't exactly pin-point why, and I have no idea how to fix it, because I've never really felt like that before.
In the meantime the TW/CoE post I'm currently writing has almost reached the 5000 word mark which is a whole different reason for *facepalm*ing. I'm (happily, albeit guiltily happily) throwing away time on this that would probably be much better and certainly much more productively spent reading a book, taking photos, learning Russian, going for a walk, anything, everything else. Oh wait, trying to figure out what to do with my life, searching a new job or at least start exploring opportunities. /sarcasm
In a way it makes me so angry at myself that doing this still feels so satisfactory. I'd feel better about myself if I were at least writing fanfiction, because that at least seems a little more of a creative effort, more active, in a way. Interpretation and meta is mainly about bringing my thoughts into order, making the chaos less chaotic at least in this tiny, completely unimportant space. In a way it always revolves about control.
In the meantime the TW/CoE post I'm currently writing has almost reached the 5000 word mark which is a whole different reason for *facepalm*ing. I'm (happily, albeit guiltily happily) throwing away time on this that would probably be much better and certainly much more productively spent reading a book, taking photos, learning Russian, going for a walk, anything, everything else. Oh wait, trying to figure out what to do with my life, searching a new job or at least start exploring opportunities. /sarcasm
In a way it makes me so angry at myself that doing this still feels so satisfactory. I'd feel better about myself if I were at least writing fanfiction, because that at least seems a little more of a creative effort, more active, in a way. Interpretation and meta is mainly about bringing my thoughts into order, making the chaos less chaotic at least in this tiny, completely unimportant space. In a way it always revolves about control.
