(no subject)

[solitary_summer]

Hot and not particularly interesting day in Schloßhof with sister, sister's boyfriend, niece & the boyfriend's extended family; almost all the photos are bad and/or boring, too bright sunlight, everything too picturesque, complete lack of inspiration.

My hair is so short now that I have to put sunscreen on the back of my neck.

Decided I need some kind of photography workshop/course to help me get better technically & inspire me; I feel a bit stuck.


More correspondence with my aunt, who completely misreads what I'm saying while accusing me of having problems with accepting reality (reality = it's all my fault). I wish she'd continued to be just rude, because now I'm starting to feel guilty. And, once again, bad about myself, because maybe she's right and I'm wrong after all? Maybe I was a hypocrite all along, maybe I wanted her out of my life. It's not as if I'm not aware that I have problems with personal relationships... But I'm tired of all this. A mail from her makes my heart race before I even open it, and it took me hours to fall asleep yesterday, turning all this over in my mind. I don't need this. I don't have the energy. I guess I'll just have to live with whatever she thinks about me.

One thing she did achieve, though; she definitely made me grateful for the people in my life who somehow manage to put up with me, maybe even like me, and forgive my occasional slip-ups without all this drama. Parents & work people will get cake next week before I'm off to Salzburg.

Comments

Your aunt is getting on MY nerves, and I don't even know her.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

People like your aunt are what email filters are for; their mail goes right to a specially-made folder (or the trash), and you don't read it unless and until you feel good and ready.

Not every mail requires a response.

Re: Your aunt is getting on MY nerves, and I don't even know her.

[solitary-summer.livejournal.com]

I promise this will be the last post, and also to stick to your advice - thank you. :)

Re: Your aunt is getting on MY nerves, and I don't even know her.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Oh, your posts are fine. Her behavior is what aggravates me, not the fact that you post about it. There needs to be a special ring of hell for people who treat others so badly, especially family!

Re: Your aunt is getting on MY nerves, and I don't even know her.

[solitary-summer.livejournal.com]

Fun fact? She's the only real Christian in our family, goes to mass every Sunday, is convinced the Holy Ghost guides her, etc.. *sigh*

Re: Your aunt is getting on MY nerves, and I don't even know her.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Okay, now I feel violently ill.

I keep meeting or hearing about people who are devout about such thing, yet they treat the people around them like dirt. I think those people are more concerned about appearances than spiritual living, because when you point out their bad behavior, they are completely unable to hear what you are saying. If they were genuinely concerned with spiritual living, they would search themselves instead of spending so much time telling everyone else what is "wrong" with them.

[alex-beecroft.livejournal.com]

Well it certainly sounds as though you *should* want her out of your life! I would certainly consider writing her off as someone to minimize contact with except in the case of emergencies. I don't think you should feel obliged to put up with people who destroy you inwardly.

[solitary-summer.livejournal.com]

People have been telling me this for weeks; I really need to finally realise that I can't please everyone all the time, and just do that. Thank you. :)

[alex-beecroft.livejournal.com]

I think with family you have a duty to help them if they need practical help; to make sure they have enough food and a roof over their head and so forth, but you don't have a duty to stand in the line of fire and take shit from them if there's any way you can avoid that. I speak from a certain amount of experience :)

If someone kept hitting you, you wouldn't feel you had to stand there and take it. IMO the same goes for emotional hurt - you have a right to protect yourself and get out. You can't give her what you haven't got, so staying is not going to benefit her anyway.

[solitary-summer.livejournal.com]

You can't give her what you haven't got, so staying is not going to benefit her anyway.

Thank you for putting it so clearly; I can't give her the 'you were right, I was wrong' complete surrender that she wants, and it's become very clear that nothing short of that will reconcile her, so I may as well save myself more stress and hurt than the situation has already cost me.