![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Feb. 3rd, 2011 11:33 pmIt's strange. I've started rewatching TW because there's a bit of meta I want to write after all before we get new canon, and while I've always loved S1, I'm actually surprised at how good it is, and how much sense it makes. Rather more than I remember.
And this is where I stop and wonder—is it me? Obviously it's me. The show hasn't changed since I first watched it four years ago. But am I bringing my head-canon into it and am I subconsciously using it to patch the holes? Or does the show yield something different, depending on the angle from which you look at it?
It worries me a bit, because I've always been very careful to avoid the trap of getting lost in my own headspace and interpretations with my meta-writing. I rewatched for every bigger post. I made myself rewatch CoE the first time because I wanted to write about it, and there was no way I could do that based only on a completely overwhelming one time impression. I rewatched S1 to CoE again for the big Jack/Ianto post. For the death/life/being human post I rewatched all of DW, all of TW, and then went back and watched all of RTD's DW episodes once more. So, for the most part I'm convinced that my meta is at least more or less canon compatible and hasn't veered off on some absurd tangent yet.
At the same time... my perception of canon has definitely changed during writing. Not in radical ways. I changed my opinion about certain aspects of the stories or characters, but I never intentionally tried to make myself like something I hated; I don't think I even could do that. CoE always felt right to me, right for the characters, right as a story; it just took me a lot of time and words to explain why. It's rather that the stories become richer, better, the more I think and write about them.
The first change that genuinely took me by surprise was when I rewatched TW the last time and deliberately shifted the focus away from any kind of ship-related agenda and suddenly found the Jack/Ianto arc a lot more satisfying. Now I'm rewatching it with the 'time' theme in mind, and I keep thinking, even in those few S1 moments there is a story being told, and it isn't a bad story at all.
The question once again is, though, is it me? Did I create this meaning in my head over the last few years, writing meta post after meta post? Is this why it makes sense now? Is canon still full of holes that I simply don't notice any longer? Or was the story always there and I just didn't see it the first (or second) time around, because I wanted to see a different one? Because on some level that was definitely the case.
It's fascinating, really, this discrepancy between the stories we want and the stories we get and how we project the one on the other. And all the frustration that ensues.
And sometimes all this subjectivity scares me. Sometimes I just want to be—simply, childishly—right or wrong.
One thing I've learned, though, is that I write better meta when I don't try to gloss over my doubts. If something doesn't seem to fit, doesn't seem to make sense, don't ignore it, look at it in a wider context and perhaps there is a way it might fit, after all. Connect the dots. The results can be interesting. It may not work for every show, or every aspect of it, but in DW and TW on the whole it has served me really well.
And this is where I stop and wonder—is it me? Obviously it's me. The show hasn't changed since I first watched it four years ago. But am I bringing my head-canon into it and am I subconsciously using it to patch the holes? Or does the show yield something different, depending on the angle from which you look at it?
It worries me a bit, because I've always been very careful to avoid the trap of getting lost in my own headspace and interpretations with my meta-writing. I rewatched for every bigger post. I made myself rewatch CoE the first time because I wanted to write about it, and there was no way I could do that based only on a completely overwhelming one time impression. I rewatched S1 to CoE again for the big Jack/Ianto post. For the death/life/being human post I rewatched all of DW, all of TW, and then went back and watched all of RTD's DW episodes once more. So, for the most part I'm convinced that my meta is at least more or less canon compatible and hasn't veered off on some absurd tangent yet.
At the same time... my perception of canon has definitely changed during writing. Not in radical ways. I changed my opinion about certain aspects of the stories or characters, but I never intentionally tried to make myself like something I hated; I don't think I even could do that. CoE always felt right to me, right for the characters, right as a story; it just took me a lot of time and words to explain why. It's rather that the stories become richer, better, the more I think and write about them.
The first change that genuinely took me by surprise was when I rewatched TW the last time and deliberately shifted the focus away from any kind of ship-related agenda and suddenly found the Jack/Ianto arc a lot more satisfying. Now I'm rewatching it with the 'time' theme in mind, and I keep thinking, even in those few S1 moments there is a story being told, and it isn't a bad story at all.
The question once again is, though, is it me? Did I create this meaning in my head over the last few years, writing meta post after meta post? Is this why it makes sense now? Is canon still full of holes that I simply don't notice any longer? Or was the story always there and I just didn't see it the first (or second) time around, because I wanted to see a different one? Because on some level that was definitely the case.
It's fascinating, really, this discrepancy between the stories we want and the stories we get and how we project the one on the other. And all the frustration that ensues.
And sometimes all this subjectivity scares me. Sometimes I just want to be—simply, childishly—right or wrong.
One thing I've learned, though, is that I write better meta when I don't try to gloss over my doubts. If something doesn't seem to fit, doesn't seem to make sense, don't ignore it, look at it in a wider context and perhaps there is a way it might fit, after all. Connect the dots. The results can be interesting. It may not work for every show, or every aspect of it, but in DW and TW on the whole it has served me really well.
