(no subject)

Livejournal is my very own psychiatrist's couch. The things you don't want to write - or think - about, but after a while, slowly, typing a sentence here and there, copying it back and forth from update page to notepad, they finally will come out. I'm convinced that over the past years there are a lot of things I'd never have thought through rationally, issues I'd never have addressed if it weren't for livejournal and its semi-public nature. There's a sense of obligation and motivation about it which I never found in a private paper journal. Perhaps it's that with an audience there come certain expectations, even if in all probability they exist only (or mostly) in my mind, not in the audience's; It's not that I don't occasionally often just whine & wallow, even here, but I also do feel compelled to do more than just that, if I can find the strength.


I've no idea if that's good or bad or plain fucked up somewhat weird, but it does seem to work...